And Marx is calling for offsides!

This doesn't have anything to do with anything and there's probably only about twenty other people in the world with the right combination of nerdiness to think this is funny, but what the hell.

Democrats snatch defeat from the jaws of victory

They blinked. I guess we shouldn't be surprised. Blinking is what they do best. The Democratic congress just ended their Mexican stand off with President Bush over the war funding bill. They backed down even though Bush was holding a toy water pistol and they were holding a .357 Magnum. Unbelievable. It takes a special kind of jelly fish to not to take a stand that is morally correct, strategically critical, and politically popular. It s a catastrophic failure of the very first order.

Congratulations Harry Reid! After months of acting tough, you've revealed your self as the eunuch you are. We needed Churchill and you gave us Tom Daschle II: The Quickening. Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Apparently Democrats can't even remember five years ago. Remember Dasch's brilliant strategy of caving in to the President on the war and then hitting on him hard on domestic issues? Remember how that turned out? Apparently Reid and Pelosi don't.

Trading little victories for a big loss results in guess what? A big loss. That's all that anyone will take away from this sorry episode. You can't ignore the eight hundred pound gorilla in the room and expect everyone to be happy that you got a new puppy, no matter how cute it is. As always, Kieith Olberman says it all better than we ever could.


Bush is a bully. He always has been. He always will be. The only way to deal with a bully is to hit him back. Hard. Not pretend to hit him. Not talk about hitting him. Jesus Christ Harry, the whole school is in your corner cheering you on and the principal just gave you a pair of brass knuckles. HIT THE FUCKER!

Well if they won't hit somebody I will. I will hit them. Call your Rep. Call Harry. Call Nancy. This was the existential moment for this congress. They failed. Make sure they know that.

Plan "Mitt" from Outer Space

Mitt Romney has pulled ahead of John McCain in the ever tightening race for “who can make the most bizarre boneheaded statements in a single primary campaign.”

Mitt’s been trying his best but, clearly had a steep hill to climb after McCain decided to turn nuclear war in the mid-east into his own private Broadway musical.

Romney’s no quitter though. He may have just fired the most impressive salvo yet in the Republican war of “anything you can do I can do dumber.” When a reporter recently asked what was his favorite novel of all time, the wannabee Republican nominee answered "Battlefield Earth" by L. Ron Hubbard.

Yep, you heard right the Mormon candidate's favorite work of fiction is - the Scientologist's Bible. Just when you are trying to convince middle America that you are NOT a member of a wacky religious cult you admit that you love
literature written by - the controversial founder of America's wackiest religious cult. And as a bonus, you have now forever associated yourself with Tom Cruise and John Travolta in gold dread locks. Nice! Nothing says “Presidential” like dreadlocks and nose rings.

I guess when your name is synonymous with a baseball glove your lack of dazzling intellect is bound to catch up with you. However, Romney has inspired us here at Project M. Who is wackier? Scientology? Mormonism? It’s a battle we feel obligated to resolve.

America deserves nothing less.

Tune in next week for the stunning conclusion.

Mormons: Raw and Uncensored

The two part Frontline episode actually began last night but I was busy watching the Jazz lose to the Rockets . I'll be watching both halves later this week, but I'm a little sceptical. Frontline normally does great work, but I have a feeling this is going to be a bit of a puff piece. We'll see if they have the guts to mention cool stuff like secret handshakes and magic underwear, as well as not so cool stuff like Mark Hoffman and the Mountain Meadows Massacre.

George Tenet Exposes Himself

George Tenet’s half-assed mea culpa comes a day late and a dollar short. I really hope nobody rewards this spaghetti-spined enabler by buying his book of completely yawn worthy revelations. Bush was hell bent on war with Iraq? No! You don’t say! Bush fixed the intelligence to justify the invasion? Stunning. Only the majority of American’s have figured that out by now. And really, thanks for sharing all this now instead of when you were running the CIA in the build up to war and could’ve actually done something about it. Sorry George, history will be kicking your pathetic ass to the same gutter of disgrace as the rest of the neo-cons. Confessing to 60 Minutes ain’t gonna change that.

However, Tenet’s book is extremely revealing in a completely unintended way. Not about the war, but about the media. What makes his “expose” utterly redundant is a far more important Whitehouse official has admitted repeatedly that the President lied in the build up to the war. That man? Why none other than George W. himself.

Bush has stated repeatedly that “knowing everything he knows now” he would still have invaded Iraq. He’s said it many times to many different journalists. Yet not one ever asks the obvious and critical follow up question: “Doesn’t that mean you lied to the American people prior to the war?” Bush consistently asserted before the invasion that war was not inevitable. He promised if Saddam would just disarm then he wouldn’t need to live out his oedipal complex by one-upping daddy. Of course “what we know now” is when Bush was pointing to the escape hatch of disarmament, Saddam was completely, utterly armless.

What Bush says now is that there never was an escape hatch. I’m no “logictian” but it seems that Bush was either lying then or he’s lying now. Hmmm…the President publicly admitting to lying; that sounds vaguely important. Possibly even a “story” that would interest a “journalist” since the “war” has turned into a “clusterfuck of horror” and the “stupidest decision in human history.” But the media, like W, are in their own little bubble where 9/11 apparently gave our fearless leader a coupon book of full of free passes for corruption, incompetence, and law breaking. Jack Murtha mentioned impeachment on Face the Nation and Bob Schieffer couldn’t have been more horrified had Murtha started masturbating live on camera. “What? Impeach the President? Just because he’s a dangerously incompetent moron who’s committed at least eight impeachable offensives? Are you crazy? He hasn’t even used his two-for-one assassination voucher yet!”

Satan Also Against a Flat Tax.

Sometimes I wonder if I have it in me to update this site with enough humor and wit to keep y'all coming back. It is a real challenge with a full time job and Ginny out of town for two weeks. Thank God for my homeboys in Utah; they always come through in the clutch. I could spend a month on a post and not come up with something this funny.

Thanks guys, I couldn't do this without you.

The Douche Bag Responds

I received an email from the one and only Dinesh D'souza in response to yesterday's post.


I admit it, Dinesh: you got me. My post wasn't exactly logical. I sacrificed cogent reasoning and took analytical short cuts in my quest for humor. Hell, that wasn't really even the ontological argument. But here's the thing, Dinesh: It was funny. And the strange thing is, your stuff is also chock full of logical errors, poor reasoning and deliberately dishonest arguments. I can only assume that you, like me, aren't really serious. The problem is, Dinesh -- and I hate to be the one to break this to you – you’re not funny.

But take heart, friend. Maybe there's an opening at the Half Hour News Hour for you. I'm almost positive that being funny is a not a requirement for employment there.