Tuesday, August 28, 2007

"No Proof of Wrong"

Ding Dong - Gonzo's Gone! Project M is still celebrating yesterday's resignation of Attorney General Alberto "Fredo" Gonzales. Finally, the most corrupt and incompetent Attorney General this country has ever seen threw in the towel on his portion of the Bush Administration's chicken fight with Congress. I must admit, I didn't think it was gonna happen. Even Slate magazine took down their Gonzo watch earlier this summer based on the discouraging signs that Gonzo would never surrender. Tellingly, the Decider did not comment on the resignation with Fredo at his side, but did spit out this classic “This is a man who has testified, he’s sent thousands of papers up there. There’s no proof of wrong.”
Taking aside the traditional Bush grammatical massacre, it's as if Bush is daring Congress,taunting them to "catch" him and his band of criminals. It's "Na, Na Na, - You got Nothing on me!" It represents the administration's attitude perfectly - that they can skate above the law (or entirely decimate it) trample the Constitution and generally engage in whatever version of morality they want because their opponents technically "got nothing" on them.
And this talking point has worked in the past. The Right Wing noise machine was already in over-drive on the media coverage yesterday, moaning about "What crime did Gonzales actually commit here?" But this technique (already overplayed from the Valerie Plame scandal) faces some very "pesky" facts with everyone from Monica Goodling, to FBI Director Robert Muller contradicting Fredo, and irrefutably revealing his status as a serial perjurer. That Bush finally did throw his beloved Fredo overboard, signifies that despite his very public bravado, Congress is closing in.

Although elated, I'm also a little wary of the timing on this one - it's not looking as pretty the morning after. After all, Turd Blossom and Fredo resigning within mere weeks of each other - what diabolical recess appointment could possibly be in the works? I'm sure Democrats will find a spectacular way to squander their momentum here (probably by immediately confirming some other retarded Bush water carrier like Chertoff as his replacement).

Nevertheless, Project M must rejoice in whatever semi-victory lap the cosmos throws our way however brief. It has put a smug smile on my face the past two days and an extra spring in my step (although when I tried to explain why - I get the usual "Alberto who?" from my co-workers). Sigh. God Bless America indeed.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Gonzolas Resigns to Spend More Time Not Recalling His Family

Alberto Gonzales announced that he is stepping down today to spend more not remembering crucial information about his family. In a written statement the Attorney General claimed that he was proud of his misservice to the American people, and would look back fondly on the good work that he had profoundly undone during his tenor. "Though I am unable to confirm at this time whether or not the damage I have inflicted on the constitution and rule of law is permanent, I leave knowing that I have done all I can. Now I must resign from public life, so I can devote my time to throughly undermining the relationships I hold most dear: my wife, and presumably my children, if I have any, though I can not specially recall any of their names, ages, or locations, I can assure you that if they do exist, that they were raised in an appropriate fashion." Administration officials confirmed that his bubbling maladministration would be greatly missed, and his utter lack of leadership would be hard to replace. Still, they say that Mr. Gonzales is ready to begin the quite life of forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, and middle names, and hopes to one day have the opportunity to commit perjuy in a private civil matter