Saturday, January 19, 2008

Hillary Set to Become the 1st Woman to Lose the Presidency

After her victory in the Nevada Caucus, Hillary Clinton inched ever closer to her historic goal of becoming the first woman to ever lose the Presidential Election. "I can't believe it", said Hillary Supporter Elaine Chavez from Reno "It's so exciting, we've never had woman lose before. I can't wait until she actually gets to be defeated by John McCain!" Many Hillary supporters explained their support by noting the fact that past Democratic Presidential Losers had always been men, and they felt it was high time a women broke through the "Glass Ceiling of Failure." Clinton supporter Gloria Steinem cited the revolutionary candidate's potential "Surely Hillary can run a presidential campaign that can be every bit as feckless, calculated, uninspiring as John Kerry, Al Gore, or even Adlai Stevenson!" Ms. Steinem went on to explain that with Hillary's high negatives, a campaign dominated by soulless corporate lobbyists, and Ms. Clinton's unique ability to unite an otherwise fractured Republican party, there was an excellent chance she could become the Democrat Party's biggest loser since Walter Mondale. "Let's face facts" said political analyst Mark Sheilds, "The Democratic Party is in terrible danger of winning this election. The failures and scandals of the last Republican administration exposed a weak, bitter, and divided Republican Party thus creating a treacherous environment for Democrats where virtually anyone they nominate would be a shoe in to win the White House." Confronted with such a hopeless scenario, Democratic voters responded with confusion and the early primaries had been relatively close. However, Sheilds pointed out that in the end, there was only one candidate in the entire field who could deliver the two things that matter most to democratic voters: meaningless token gestures rather actual political change, and of course, crushing electoral defeat