GOP Questions Legitimacy of Kitten “Cuteness”

After successfully defending the nation from the threat posed by sick children, Republican operatives today attacked the Democratic Party for what it called a “Pre-911” mindset toward the adorability of kittens. Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell cited what he referred to as shocking and appalling naiveté exhibited by the Democratic Leadership towards kittens endearing tendencies to chase string and pounce on brightly colored objects.

“Can’t they see the murderous intent in the eyes of Mr. Whiskers? I find it amazing that the Democratic Party is more concerned with protecting animal loving extremists than they are with safe guarding the Homeland against these blood thirsty felines. Did Siegfried and Roy teach us nothing as a nation?” Right-wing bloggers picked up the theme posting pictures of alleged kitten atrocities including several dead mice, and a lizard missing its tail, as well as posting the home addresses of several of the cutest and deadliest kittens. Staffers in McConnel’s office also stated that the "Anti-Kitten" proposal was only one part of the GOP's efforts to win back the hearts and minds of voters and suggested that he may offer a resolution in the fall condemning the Dickens character "Tiny Tim" for his appearance in a MoveOn.org ad.